Image Comics' Marineman.
Photoshop, 33 mins.
Marineman © Ian Churchill
Tomorrow, technically later this morning, I'm going to hang out with an old friend of mine and probably burn most of the day playing Gran Turismo. The fact that I made plans to get out of the house and have some fun makes me feel a little guilty and want to cram as much drawing as I can before the morning. Could it be that subconsciously, drawing outweighs having contact with friends? Sometimes it seems like it, and I don't know how to feel about that. Once this post is through I will chug another bottle of Neuro-Sleep to help me K.O. About 3 years ago I bought a chair for my workstation, flash-forward to now and I wish I had spent the extra $60 for the clearly more padded and awesome-er chair. I literally spend all day and night sitting at my workstation. The younger me would've been playing videogames at said workstation but instead I draw draw draw and draw some 'mo. Sometimes I find it hard to stop, hence my lack of sleep, hence my reliance on bottled chemicals to help me sleep. Though one (well, maybe just me) can appreciate my recent burst of creativity and artistic stamina, I believe it's sustained by many things other than just the nicer nobler once like the need to create or having a strong passion to about art; sometimes the darker elements become evident: self-doubt, my obsessive drive to improve, and pathetically, the feeling of inadequacy that leads to self-pity. True, I am unemployed at the moment, and most art related jobs I've applied for have been struck down, the thought about the limitations of my skills have crossed my mind many times, the younger me (by a couple of years) would be in self-pity mode right away. But as I am today, for the most part, think that when you have time to have self-pity, you've got time to draw, draw, and draw some more, until you draw all of you bad drawings out so that all that's left are the good. I've been adhering to that thought process for a while now, only realizing now that it could also be a double-edge sword because of the way I think. Right now, it feels like everything is blurring together, I sometimes can't tell if it's still the feeling of inadequacy that is fueling my drawing marathons or perhaps this is just how I am now, a sleepless drawing robot.
No comments:
Post a Comment